So Long

Four years we decided to get iPhones.  So we went to our cell phone service provider and got them.  I was even talked into getting the iCare package...I never get insurance on anything.  Seeing as it was close to Christmas, we were somewhat worried about a larger than normal cell phone bill, but the service representative assured me that the first bill would not come until after the first of the year because of when the billing cycle was set up.  Imagine my surprise when just a week late, I received a bill for close to $400!!!!  I called the customer service number to complain and get everything straightened out.  I was told that there was nothing to be done, but I could return the phones and leave the company if I was that upset about the situation.  I was seeing red at that point.  It was perfectly acceptable for employees to lie to customers.
I should have left.  I did, however, just pay half of the bill then and half of the bill after Christmas.
Eight months ago, I started receiving upwards 7 to 10 telemarketing phone calls a day.  Even though I was on the Do Not Call list and told the callers to not call me again, I was constantly getting calls.  I would receive  phone calls at 8 in the morning and 10 at night.  I went to my cell service provider to see about changing my phone number.  I was told that it would not be a problem.  It took less than 10 minutes.  Again, imagine my surprise when I found out that I was charged $10 for changing my number.  No one told me that!  I called to complained and was told that I should have known that....how?????
Four months ago we decided to get rid of the iPhones.  After researching we decided to switch to the Galaxy and stay with our current provider.  We were told that we could buy the phones outright for a certain price without changing our plan or going back under a contract.  We had unlimited everything.    Imagine my surprise....probably not surprised by now.....when two months later my bill increases by $30 dollars.  I go to the store to find out why.
And here's what I find:
I am back under a contract and the new cost of my plan is $80 instead of $65 per phone.  We were lied to again.  To say that I am mad at this point is an understatement.  And here's how the problem was fixed:  We had to return our Galaxies, but we could not get the iPhones back because they were sent to the factory (probably to be someone else's refurbished phones).  And everything would be restored to the way it was the day we purchased the Galaxies.  My husband, who didn't need a phone due to having a work phone, got out of the deal free and clear. I, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky.  I had to purchase a slider non smart phone and pitch a fit about having to pay for a smart phone plan to get that changed.
The next day I went to another provider.  Bought a new iPhone with a better plan.  Returned to my previous provider to return the slider.
Never back me into a corner.  I do not have to do business with anybody.  I am the customer.  You, my friend, are not the only show in town.

Memories Are Not Forever

I didn't think turning 40 would affect me....no other birthday has affected me.  Age has always been just a number.  I have always lived according the principle that you are only as old as you feel....and I have never felt old at all.
But the older I get, the more I miss my mom.  I realize now what she went through as those years ago.  She lost her mom as a younger adult with two small children.  Although she had a great relationship with her mother-in-law, sometimes a girl just wants her mother.
There are so many things I want to ask or just simply say to her.
I wish we had been honest with each other in the early stages of the disease.  I wish we had taken advantage of the days while they lasted.  I wish we hadn't refused to acknowledge that something was wrong.  I wish I had wrote down all the questions and had the courage to ask them.  I wish I had recorded the answers.
My son will never know his Nana.  His memories of her will only be of in the hospital as he calls it.  He will never know how much she loved the idea of him.  How much family meant to her.  How much she loved children.
She will never be able to help me raise him as I am so clueless. I can never ask for her advice.  I can only rely on my memories and what I think she would have done based on what I know of her.
No one can fully understand the wickedness of this situation until you have traveled down this road.  It is a road I truly hopes no one ever has to walk.  As my mom lies in a bed slowly dying, she was taken from me years ago by  Alzheimer's.  We wasted this critical early years by pretending everything was ok.  We should have been documenting our lives for later.  We should have been preparing for heartache.  I have very little left of my mom.  I have a lot of memories, but...as I know all too well, even those are not guaranteed to last forever.
I wear purple for my mom who I said my good bye too last April.  She didn't know who I was when I waved and said, "I love you Mom."
I can walk into her room anytime I want too, but my mom won't be there.  She hasn't been there in a long time.  She is no longer lying in that bed.  Her soul...her mind left a long time ago.  What is in that bed is just the shell of who she was.
Purple was her favorite color.  It has always been mine.  Now it means even more.

The Break-Up

Last Wednesday, January 14th, began as an ordinary day. Little did I know it would end in devastating heart break to which I have little to compare. 

The beginning of the end began with a simple phone: can you come to church early or stay a little late? I would like to talk to you.  Said the preacher.

Thirty minutes early we were at church.

****backstory****

I am a Christian but I don't trust the Church.  Christians are hurtful people who talk a good game but rarely practice what they preach. Everyone sins, but not everyone forgives.  I am working so hard to not be one of those Christians.  God has always had my back, and when I was one of those people calling Christians weak I never turned away from God...just from the Church.
However in 2010 I felt a pull...heard a call.  I refused to answer for almost a year.  In September of 2011 I entered The Church on Main.  It was the best decision for my family.  I found peace.  I found a group of non judgemental people who cared. The message was simple: go after people's hearts...simply love mankind regardless of level brokenness because we are all broken.  God loves each of us...we should do no less.  Through example show the world the life of Chirst.  Admit sin. Ask forgiveness. Move on. Strive to do better. My son flourished in his learning at the tender young age of four.  He was happy.  We slowly took on roles inside the church. Made friends, which was huge for me. I guard my emotions and heart...too scared of the resulting pain.

*****
Then it happened.  The Devil made his way in. The church came under attack. 

It subtle but I felt something was off.  We had prayed for change, and change we got.  Our children's ministry leader stepped down causing two couples to step up...we were one. Decisions became dividers.  The worship team became smaller as the other couple became more involved.  Still I was not willing give in and leave. This was my Church family. 

Facebook was the catalyst for the ending of a wonderful relationship.  We had started a church page that the other couple demanded co-control over that we were told to allow in order to not have strife.  Then they got offended by a post on our personal Facebook page and went to the preacher with concerns.

And that is where the phone call and meeting came into play.  What should have been a non issue became strife in the Church. We were told to apologize for offending the other couple. At that point my pride and stubbornness came out.  I had played nice for four months. I let all my concerns that were spoken be over looked for four months. I let all my opinions fall on deaf ears for four months.  I was done. I put the snacks on the table for the children and walked out.

No goodbyes were said. I was too hurt. My friend, my brother in Christ, my preacher turned his back on me.  I waited for him to reach out...to acknowledge the hurt that he caused.  The phone was hauntingly silent as my heart continued to break.  I hurt for the Church that was my home.   After three days, I told my story on Facebook. I really wanted to tell my friends goodbye and why I left.  The messages of love poured in.  The pain eased. The understandings were stated.

Then the phone call came. It was time for spin control.  The preacher called because he felt disrespected by the post. He claimed no knowledge of our being upset.  He just didn't want bad publicity. The break-up from the Church was complete.  Distrust and hurt was too deep rooted and both sides.  We didn't want go back, and we wouldn't be welcomed back.

The pain and heart break is not as bad too.  My son cried when I tried to explain to him that we would not be going back to that Church.  It's sad that I expect to the topic of gossip at a place that I shouldn't be.  I will continue to pray for my friends that they triumph in this battle with the Devil and for those that are being used by the Devil.

What Happened To The Idea Of Love?

I seriously thought I read somewhere in the Bible about a commandment dealing with love thy neighbor.  I don't recall there being any stipulations on that commandment.  I don't recall the Bible telling Christians that we could only associate with other Christians...we could only accept other Christians...we could tolerate other Christians...we could only learn about Christianity.
I am a Christian woman who is tired of the closed-mindedness that seems to come along with being a Christian.
I am so glad that early Christians were smart enough to learn about other cultures and religions instead of just locking themselves away from others.  Why do you think we celebrate the Savior's birth in December when he was born in August?   Why do you think we celebrate his death in spring?  Christian holidays coincide with pagan holidays.  It was easier to convert people when you were already celebrating things they were familiar with.
However, Christians aren't the heroes of the story either.  Just ask people in Africa how tolerant Christians are...Just ask the Native Americans how tolerant Christians are...Christians have been very intolerant when others have been in possession of what Christians want.  As time has passed, Christians became less willing to learn about others and become more about "be as I am or else."  Christians have been judgmental instead of loving.  They have forgotten that God is the only judge and that no sin is greater than the other.  So what if someone doesn't live exactly as I do...what do I care?  Are they doing anything worse than I have done....not according God.
It seems now that Christians are up-in-arms against the homosexuals because that is a sin...again...that is for God to judge.  God said to love not to rally in arms against because something is different.
Christians are rallying against Islam because that is a different religion.  Instead of trying to learn about the differences and rallying around the similarities, most Christians are spreading hate.  They are even getting upset when schools teach about Islam in schools as part of the curriculum...which as been in place for years.  Yet now this curriculum is part of the communist take over!!  Do we really not want our children to know about different cultures and religions?  Do we really want sheltered children who know nothing about the world around them?   And what is the answer to this new dilemma....to home school, of course!!! So now there will be an entire generation of children who were taught not by professionals but by Mommy and Daddy....so ready to enter the 21st workforce.
And just so everyone knows....public schools can and do teach Christianity in an historic context.  Students can bring Bibles to schools.  Students can pray in school.  God has not been removed from our schools.  However, our teachers can not teach (preach) that Christianity is the only choice.
Christians are making it hard for those on the outside looking in to see what all the fuse is about.  Those looking in are just seeing a bunch of hypocrites who say God fixes the broken yet won't let the broken into the clubhouses....who say to love thy neighbor except if the neighbor is different than you don't have to love them.
It's time that Christians remember the path that Christ blazed for us and for us to return to that path.
It's time Christians got off their high horses and learned to accept the differences of the world...to accept that we are all broken and can only be fixed by God...to accept that knowledge is understanding...to accept that our earthly duty to love all put here by God because they are also his children.  Only by living as Christ lived will we truly show to others what Christianity is about...

Twenty Minutes, Seriously?

I am a teacher and have been for sixteen years.  But I am getting tired.  Tired of the politics.  Tired of the "know-it-all's"  who have never stepped foot into a classroom.  Tired of the paperwork that means nothing.  Tired of the disrespect.
For the most part I love my students!!!!!  It's the parents I have a problem with.
But that's not the point of this rant.
I am contracted yearly.  I can be non-renewed for any reason.  People want my pay tied to student performance.  Ever heard the phrase, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"? These students are your kids....And YOU want to base MY pay on THEIR test scores??????  You know what they are like at home.  They are no better at school for me...maybe worse because they are trying to impress other kids.
I am a salaried professional who is to clock in at 7:15 and clock out no earlier than 3:30 Monday through Friday.  I get 45 minutes daily to plan for my FOUR different subjects that teach.  I must eat MY lunch with my students at the SAME table in twenty minutes.  If I buy lunch in the cafeteria, I will pay $3.50 for the SAME plate as the students (except I get a glass of tea).  On Wednesdays I am required to stay until 4 for professional development.  I am required to take up tickets at at least three ball games per year (most years it is more), so I don't leave school until close to 9 on those nights.  Ball game duty is off the clock because the time clock is in the building that is locked at 4:30, so inaccessible after game duty.  Then there is Open House, Carnival, Graduation, and other functions that my attendance is required.  All of these functions are in addition to the grading of papers, lesson planning, and various other activities that being a teacher requires.  My Sundays are usually booked with "school work."
In the sixteen years that I have been teaching, I have left campus, maybe, five times during my planning period to conduct personal business.  And, it has always been emergency type situations.  I have left numerous times to conduct school business.  But, now the district, wants me to clock out anytime I leave campus.  Ok, I get that.  What if I am in an accident?  But the district also wants me to request personal leave if I am conducting personal business.  Are you serious?  Do you not remember last Friday night when I was off the clock but still on campus sponsoring the Color Guard at the football game until after 10 p.m.?????  That was a 15 hour day that I worked and you are worried about a twenty minute trip to the bank!!!!!
I have to schedule bathroom breaks, but can't seem to get students to understand why I won't let them go whenever they feel the need.  Parents don't see the need for homework because Little Johnny is in my class for 50 minutes everyday...isn't that enough time to learn 300 years of history plus critical thinking skills????
I have been told that schools should supply paper, pens/pencils, highlighters, and whatever school supplies I require in class.
Yes, I am tired.  I am tired of hearing that I am to blame for failing schools.  Of being told that the state of education is all my fault.  Of feeling guilty because I spent time with MY family instead of spending time on "school work."  Of telling my SON, "just a minute, Momma is working."  Of society thinking my job is so easy anybody could do it.  I challenge you to sub just one day in your area schools and see that it's not for every one.
I am a professional.  And I want to be treated as such

The World Got A Little Darker

Friday, November 14, 2014 the world grew a little darker.  It lost a truly remarkable soul...Mr. John Watts.  I only knew Mr.  Watts for seven short years, but I didn't know how much he inspired me until I heard he passed away.

Mr.  Watts taught high school art at a small rural school in Mississippi.  But he could have taught anywhere he choose.  He choose to never leave that small school because big schools can always get good teachers, but students at small schools often suffer because good teachers either because they won't come or won't stay.  He openly stated that he disliked freshmen, but he always qualified that statement with the explanation that freshmen meant immaturity not necessarily a grade classification. He was senior sponsor and part of the chain gang during football season.  We were part of the faculty that got to school by 6:30 for a 7:50 bell.  We had some amazing talks during these early morning hours with about three other early birds.  

He taught the students art, art history, self-esteem, and so much more.  He believed in us all.  He made me feel as if I was the greatest history to ever grace the halls of the school.  He made the students feel as if they were great artists even if they would never make it past Art I.  As I was struggling with professional issues, feeling torn between loyalty to the students and disagreements with the administration, he always gave wonderful advice to a young, strong-strong woman.  He always told me to be careful what you ask for about wanting to go  to a bigger school system.  He was told me that those bigger schools can always get good teachers but its the smaller schools that need to keep its good teachers...they harder to replace.  Even though I have trouble following this:  he always to me to be careful what I said to the students.  I have a habit of telling the students that I don't care if they learn it or not I am not gonna to make it so easy that they don't have to do anything to get a good grade.  He told once to not worry about principals because they come and go...You just have to outlast the bad ones.

I don't think I can recall him ever complaining or not seeing a smile on his face.  He truly loved his job, his calling, his friends, his co-workers, and his students.  He, along with a few others, were my family while I all by myself.

Hearing of his death, I have decided that I want to be more like him.  I want to stop being so negative.  I want to be more positive.  I want to help my students to see their potential more than I am doing now.  I don't want his light that was always radiating to go completely out.  I want the light that he shined on me for seven years to shine forth from me.

Heroes Among Us

As a high school history teacher for 16 years, I have had several hundred young men and women grace my classroom. Several have been outstanding young people.  Several have remained in my thoughts and prayers years after they have moved on.  Some I stay in contact with to this day.  I have kept up with the lives of many post-school...good and bad.  I understood the impact these young people had on my life.  However I never realized the impact they would have on my son.  My son is my classroom's unofficial mascot.  Now that he has started school (my school is officially a 7-12; however the elementary is connected to the high school by one long hallway), everyone knows him.  He comes to my room in the afternoon with 15 minutes of class left.  My students will automatically ask, "What color were you on today?"  He is high-fived as he walks down the hallway.  I secretly smile at it all.  What mother doesn't want everyone to like/love her son?

As color guard sponsor, I am required to go to all football games.  I really didn't/don't mind.  My husband and son went to most as well.  During one game my son was chosen by the local newspaper reporter to be the Fan of the Game. During the "interview" Farris was asked who his favorite player was.  Farris replied that he worn #4 because Jaylin Aikens was his player.  Jaylin wears #4 for our high school team.  I never dreamed what would follow.

Jaylin started seeking Farris out to get fist-bumps to or high-fives.  It was requested that they take picture together on senior night.  And then  Farris was given this as a present:

For a high school senior to go out of his way to try to make my son happy, bring indescribable joy into my heart.  My son has a hero that he gets to see everyday.  His hero plays football and, to him, is just as great as any NFL player.  My son's hero has already taught him the value of bringing joy to other.  I wish all 5 year-old's had a hero as real as my son.

 I hope these two are friends for years.  Farris will be a fan of Jaylin's for a long time.