The Break-Up

Last Wednesday, January 14th, began as an ordinary day. Little did I know it would end in devastating heart break to which I have little to compare. 

The beginning of the end began with a simple phone: can you come to church early or stay a little late? I would like to talk to you.  Said the preacher.

Thirty minutes early we were at church.

****backstory****

I am a Christian but I don't trust the Church.  Christians are hurtful people who talk a good game but rarely practice what they preach. Everyone sins, but not everyone forgives.  I am working so hard to not be one of those Christians.  God has always had my back, and when I was one of those people calling Christians weak I never turned away from God...just from the Church.
However in 2010 I felt a pull...heard a call.  I refused to answer for almost a year.  In September of 2011 I entered The Church on Main.  It was the best decision for my family.  I found peace.  I found a group of non judgemental people who cared. The message was simple: go after people's hearts...simply love mankind regardless of level brokenness because we are all broken.  God loves each of us...we should do no less.  Through example show the world the life of Chirst.  Admit sin. Ask forgiveness. Move on. Strive to do better. My son flourished in his learning at the tender young age of four.  He was happy.  We slowly took on roles inside the church. Made friends, which was huge for me. I guard my emotions and heart...too scared of the resulting pain.

*****
Then it happened.  The Devil made his way in. The church came under attack. 

It subtle but I felt something was off.  We had prayed for change, and change we got.  Our children's ministry leader stepped down causing two couples to step up...we were one. Decisions became dividers.  The worship team became smaller as the other couple became more involved.  Still I was not willing give in and leave. This was my Church family. 

Facebook was the catalyst for the ending of a wonderful relationship.  We had started a church page that the other couple demanded co-control over that we were told to allow in order to not have strife.  Then they got offended by a post on our personal Facebook page and went to the preacher with concerns.

And that is where the phone call and meeting came into play.  What should have been a non issue became strife in the Church. We were told to apologize for offending the other couple. At that point my pride and stubbornness came out.  I had played nice for four months. I let all my concerns that were spoken be over looked for four months. I let all my opinions fall on deaf ears for four months.  I was done. I put the snacks on the table for the children and walked out.

No goodbyes were said. I was too hurt. My friend, my brother in Christ, my preacher turned his back on me.  I waited for him to reach out...to acknowledge the hurt that he caused.  The phone was hauntingly silent as my heart continued to break.  I hurt for the Church that was my home.   After three days, I told my story on Facebook. I really wanted to tell my friends goodbye and why I left.  The messages of love poured in.  The pain eased. The understandings were stated.

Then the phone call came. It was time for spin control.  The preacher called because he felt disrespected by the post. He claimed no knowledge of our being upset.  He just didn't want bad publicity. The break-up from the Church was complete.  Distrust and hurt was too deep rooted and both sides.  We didn't want go back, and we wouldn't be welcomed back.

The pain and heart break is not as bad too.  My son cried when I tried to explain to him that we would not be going back to that Church.  It's sad that I expect to the topic of gossip at a place that I shouldn't be.  I will continue to pray for my friends that they triumph in this battle with the Devil and for those that are being used by the Devil.