I Really Do Love Teaching

If you really want to know what is wrong with our educational system, I will tell you.

First, let me give you a little background about me:  I have been teaching for 17 years in history.  Most of those years have been in a state tested subject, so I have been under a microscope.  I really don't mind attending relevant professional development because I WANT to be a better teacher.  I truly believe that what I am doing is crucial for the future.

However, I am tired of the politics.  I have been the History Department Chair at my school for 8 years...sadly the title comes with more responsibility and no more pay.  My school keeps hiring people in my department that can't do their job...they expect me (as department chair) to find resources and to do all lesson planning plus my own!!!  I keep getting the excuses "I've never taught this before."  Well, you know something....there was a time when I haven't taught a subject before and NO ONE even offered to help....I am NOT doing your job for your!  I have the same amount of free time  as you....I have a family, I teach Sunday School, I am Color Guard sponsor!!!!!!

Now....this year I have a long term sub in my department.  I have been told that I will need to find resources and materials for her to use in class.....WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!  So now I am doing the job of two teachers for the pay of one!!!!!!!  This is not going to end well for one of us.

You see....I teach 11th grade US History.  The students must pass a state issued test in my class to graduate high school.  For some reason, history is not important until students reach my class.  I have to teach content, historical skills, critical thinking skills, vocabulary, and to a certain extent reading.  That's a lot to cram into one class in a year time span.  And if test scores are not high enough.....I have to brave the heat and the must answer for the scores....even if the year before me there was no teacher!!!!!

My school needed two history teachers for the upcoming year.  We hired one.  There was a teacher at the school who was hired three years ago as a history teacher but was moved to science because he was needed there.  He desperately wants to teach history again.  The school won't move him back to history.  The sub who will be teaching history this year was teaching science last year....Go figure!

And with all this chaos, my district has decided to limit the number of copies we can make this to 3,000 the whole year!!!!  This will fun.  I have a feeling that I will be breaking some rules.  After all, my Geography class doesn't have books....

Administrators and politicians are doing the students a grave injustice be playing games.

Looks like I will miss my son's second grade year because I will be doing two jobs for the pay of one!!!!!!

I Am Not Sociable

I am a teacher.  I get summers off....Not!!!  I started planning for next year as soon as last year was over.  I have two workshops to attend and a new curriculum to write.  And I do want to spend quality time with my own family.

The first workshop has come and gone.  It was a three day event on the Mississippi Gulf Coast.  I spent two nights away from my family...right in the middle of Vacation Bible School.  This is normally a time for my co-workers and I to socialize away from school.  Normally I enjoy the sitting around the "dinner table" and shooting the breeze.  This year was a little different.  A vast majority of the teachers attending were several years younger.  Most enjoy the bar area.  And clicks were formed.  And I had a new book (the third in a series) that I was DYING to read.  And I had a room to myself.

I am weird.  I go to conferences to actually get new ideas...to improve my teaching.  I don't go to let my hair down.  I don't enjoy drinking.  I don't enjoy being in that scene.  I don't get why some think that conference means:  oh, I can do things here that I can't or won't at home.  I resent being made to feel that I have to be in that situation to socialize with my co-workers.

Conflicted Christian

I am not getting the Christian community right now.  I have always had time periods in my life where I have had issues with organized religion.  I have NEVER been conflicted about my faith in God...just man.  I am the first to admit that I am not a biblical scholar.  I am not a wise holy man (woman).  I tend to wing it.  I go on faith.  I listen to my heart.  I listen to that voice inside my gut that seems to start as a whisper and if I don't listen to it fast enough, it becomes a shout inside my head.

As a Christian, who is trying to live life as Jesus wants me to, I do not get as this hate coming from the Christian world.  Christians are walking around like the world owes them something for being Christians....like the world has to bow to them and their beliefs...their way of life.   It may just be me, but I thought it was the other way around.  I thought it was the Christians who were to go out into the world and mingle in the world while preaching the Word.  My Momma always said that you would catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  The more Christians become exclusive instead of inclusive, the more the world will push back against Christianity.

Modern day American Christians are throwing around the word persecution; however, they have no idea what persecution really is. Because the world is forcing Christians to show extreme love to non Christians?  Because the world is forcing Christians to have opportunities to preach the word in a loving way?  Because the world is forcing Christians to move outside their own comfort zones and to look deep into their own hearts to examine their own true faith?  Can today's Christians handle the task that has been handed to them?

I don't get the entire separation of the denominations of Christianity.  Baptists believe that they are better than Catholics who are better than Methodists who are better than Lutherans who are better than Pentecostals and so on.  Really?   Can we stop this insane belief that only people like "me" are true Christians?  Look at the different people Jesus called to his side.  Can we look at his example to be fisher of men today?

I really want to be more involved in my Church, but I feel that my views are in conflict with my church leadership.  I don't believe that I have to accept everyone's views.  However, I do believe that I have to love everyone and accept everyone....flaws and all.  No one's sins are greater than my own.  I only have to answer for my own sins.  Only through love can non-believers be led to God.  Fire and Brimstone will not do it.  Jesus did not spread the Word in the temples.  Jesus walked and talked among the sinners; however, most Christians refuse to go to the places where the non-believers are.  Most Christians are only found in churches on Sunday mornings.  They only go through the motions.
I am not perfect.  I am guilty of being the comfort zone Christian.  But I am tired of just being that Christian.  The voice is screaming in head that I NEED to be doing more.  I don't know what yet, so I guess I am doing to start with just one act of kindness in the name of God at a time.  All I know is that love is the answer:  for God so LOVED the world!!!!  Christians must be examples of God's love on the Earth today.

Mother's Day

This day is now a bitter sweet day for me.  Seven years ago I became a mother...no one could prepare for the love I would come to know for my son.  Eight years ago my own mother was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's after several years of knowing something was just not right.  My mom doesn't know me anymore and that hurts beyond belief.  I haven't yet lost my mom, but I've lost my mom.

I was really looking forward to this day in particular because my son was getting dedicated at church.  This was a very personal thing for me.  I grew up believing in infant baptisms.  My husband grew up differently.  At the time of my son's birth, we were disillusioned with the church and were not attending any church.  When my son turned three, we started back attending church and asked about dedicating him to the Lord...I was very concerned about him not being baptized.  We were told that the church didn't do such things.  Should have seen the writing on the wall.  But enough.  Our new church is wonderful and unknowingly really set my mind and heart at ease this morning.  I felt better just saying out loud that I intend to do my best to teach him and raise him in the ways of the Lord.

But I must say this has been the worse Mother's Day ever.  My Dad, who was in town for another family function, didn't even say goodbye this morning.  I was asked to decide where we were going to eat lunch today, but that was decided for me.  I was the first one out of bed to take the dog out.  I had to clean up hair balls, do the wash, and it was decided that we were all go see the new Captain America movie today...because we all know how much I love my comic book movies.  The only presents I got were a new P3 control (because I play soooo many video games) and new maroon sheets (don't ask why because I really don't have a good answer or a flippant one).  I did love the cards my son made me (I didn't even get store bought one).  We got home from the movie right at my son's bedtime and we hadn't even eat supper yet.  Needless to say he went to bed an hour late because he had to eat and shower.  My husband played ignorance about the length of the movie but he told me it was two and an half hours long....soooooo if it starts at 5:30 that would mean it would end at 8:00.  To write this has been the first time all day that I really sat down for any length of time without something to do.  And now it's time to get ready for the upcoming week.

I don't mean to sound petty, but I'm tired.  I'm tired not having one single thing to call my own....even Mother's Day turns into what my husband wants to do.  For once I just want it to be all about me, but I don't think he even knows how to make it really all about me.  I guess for Father's Day we'll go see another movie...I think the new Ninja Turtle movie will be out by then.  I might even get him a card.

The Lies of Education

I hate to admit it but it took me almost two years to realize the lie that my state department of education is telling.

I am an educator.   I like to think that I am more than capable of thinking for myself.  Most of the time I can see the benefits of a majority of our policies.

But I call BULL on this!!!

We were told at the district level that our students would take all high stakes tests on the computer because those who are in a high pay grade than me believed the students would do better.  Just because students can navigate a cell phone better than Bill Gates doesn't mean they can operate the dinosaur we call the computer.  The computer has a thing called a keyboard and a mouse.  The students can't use their fingers to scroll through the test.

I spend 8 and 1/2 months teaching content and test-taking strategies...which are completely useless on the computer.  I teach the students to underline, circle, highlight, cross out, draw lines, and such on the test to simplify the question, to relate answer choices to the question, and whatnot.

If the district or state personnel would bother to ask the students what the students wanted, the high paid experts would quickly find that the students want an ol'fashioned pencil/paper test.  They feel more comfortable bubbling in circles.  Besides, it's not like when they hit "submit" at the end of the test, they get their results.  It still takes the same about of time to get the results back because of validation issues.

But it hit me last night.  Computer tests are NOT about making the students' lives better, easier, or more comfortable.  It's about the school personnel.  If the tests are on the computer, then there are no test booklets, no answer sheets, no scratch paper, and such that need to be kept secure all the time.  There's less of a chance of someone looking at something they shouldn't.  It's all about TEST SECURITY not about student ACHIEVEMENT!!!!!!!

And here, I thought these people actually cared about the students we are paid to serve.  Sometimes I am disgusted by the educational system that I love so much.

Little League Frustrations

My son is in his fourth year of playing in little league...playing three years for the same coach.  I am, by nature, not a very competitive person.  I want him to win because I don't want him to feel bad.  As a teacher I understand the need to learn that he will not always win in life.  I really never want my attitude to affect how he feels about something.

I think I have made a mistake.  I have messed something up this season.

My son used to enjoy baseball.  He used to want to play catch.  He used to get excited about his games.  This season he has feigned sick twice on game day.

Here are my baseball rules:

1.  Do your best.
2.  Have fun.
3.  Finish out the season, if you decide you don't like it because your teammates are counting on you.

Here's my frustrations and, please keep in mind, that I am no way a coach.  I am just a mom.

Our team has eleven players who all get to play every game.  Our team is made up of players who have mostly played together before.  Our infield are the only kids who get fielding practice.  Our catch is told to just stand there and not get hit by the bats.  The first baseman runs to cover home...leaving first empty (can't tell you how many runs that has cost us).  The shortstop pretends that the third baseman doesn't exist...no one in the infield throws the ball to the third baseman.  The shortstop plays third, second, and some outfield all at the same time.  The outfield only stops balls because no one has worked with them at all.  We have four really good hitters to start off our batting line up and then after they have hit, we're done scoring.  Once again, no one worked with the middle and bottom of the order.  Only four players get any attention in practice.

Four of the other players have been told by someone on the team that they really aren't good so they shouldn't play.  Four players who really enjoy the game and play hard...now don't want to play because they don't feel like they are worth the coach's time.

My son might not catch every ball hit into center field.  He might not get a hit every at bat...But he hustles out onto the field every inning.  He hustles onto the on deck circle.  He will give his all.  He will not throw his helmet down when he is called out.  He will not cry when he is out at third.  He will not cry when the team losses (I thought Tom Hanks had taught us that there was no crying in baseball).  He will keep his head held high and say, "next time we'll get'em,"

I really thought the purpose of a 7-year-old baseball team was to teach fundamentals, not to change up the line-up or to switch up who is in the outfield based on hitters (how are the outfielders gonna learn to catch those hits if the coach doesn't leave them alone?) in order to try to win and maintain first place in the league.  I have tried to keep my thoughts to myself, so my son doesn't feed on my disappointment with the set up.

Our team has eleven players.  Four who have been told how good and valuable they are.  Seven who have been left to their own defenses but would do anything the coach asked.

My pick for the All-stars are the seven,

Heritage of Hate

                                       

It is time to end this madness.  14 years old I voted to keep the Mississippi State flag because I was young and dumb.  I am older and a littler wiser now.  I don't look at history through rose colored glasses, either.  I don't tell myself pretty little lies to make myself feel better.  No matter how you slice it that symbol on the Mississippi State flag stands for division, hatred, control, power, and (yes) racism.  The symbol might have  stood for other things in the past and might stand for other things for some people today, but that flag divides our nation just as the institution of slavery did 150 years old.

People took that flag and made it into a symbol in the 1950s that we should not want to be a part of.  It was made to symbolize white control over blacks...the stoppage of Civil Rights legislation by the Dixiecrats.  Today it still symbolizes control.  People  are fighting for control over not to change it because it represents the past....Our heritage, they say.  Heritage....heritage of what dominance over another human being?????  Slavery may have been over a long time ago, but the dominance of whites over blacks wasn't.  Heritage of hate crimes perpetuated by cowards disguised in  whites robes????  Heritage of denying basic constitutional rights to our own citizens because we might lose control?????  Is this the heritage we are so desperate trying to save....to connect to the present.....to refuse to lie in the past?????  Are we not willing to change an image to change our image???? to show the world the real Mississippi....the present-day Mississippi?  Or is it that we haven't changed at all?????

People are saying that there is no need to change the flag because it won't change people's hearts.  that statement is very true.  I am afraid, judging by the comments being made, Mississippi hasn't changed all that much in the past 60 years.  People are having a hard time distinguishing history from past.  Myths and misunderstandings are being told as gospel truths.  The under educated are vocalizing the loudest.  Maybe that's why people are so against this change....has been no real change of heart in Mississippi. I really had thought Mississippi had let go of the past and put it nicely in the history books to stay.  I had begun to think Mississippi had moved past the ugliest of her history, but I guess not.

There is no other way to describe this symbol or Mississippi's past, but as a heritage of hate.  No matter how many Southern Rock bands try to make it a Southern Pride symbol.  There is just too much history wrapped up into this to cause anything but division.  But nice try, Lynyrd Skynyrd.