This day is now a bitter sweet day for me. Seven years ago I became a mother...no one could prepare for the love I would come to know for my son. Eight years ago my own mother was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's after several years of knowing something was just not right. My mom doesn't know me anymore and that hurts beyond belief. I haven't yet lost my mom, but I've lost my mom.
I was really looking forward to this day in particular because my son was getting dedicated at church. This was a very personal thing for me. I grew up believing in infant baptisms. My husband grew up differently. At the time of my son's birth, we were disillusioned with the church and were not attending any church. When my son turned three, we started back attending church and asked about dedicating him to the Lord...I was very concerned about him not being baptized. We were told that the church didn't do such things. Should have seen the writing on the wall. But enough. Our new church is wonderful and unknowingly really set my mind and heart at ease this morning. I felt better just saying out loud that I intend to do my best to teach him and raise him in the ways of the Lord.
But I must say this has been the worse Mother's Day ever. My Dad, who was in town for another family function, didn't even say goodbye this morning. I was asked to decide where we were going to eat lunch today, but that was decided for me. I was the first one out of bed to take the dog out. I had to clean up hair balls, do the wash, and it was decided that we were all go see the new Captain America movie today...because we all know how much I love my comic book movies. The only presents I got were a new P3 control (because I play soooo many video games) and new maroon sheets (don't ask why because I really don't have a good answer or a flippant one). I did love the cards my son made me (I didn't even get store bought one). We got home from the movie right at my son's bedtime and we hadn't even eat supper yet. Needless to say he went to bed an hour late because he had to eat and shower. My husband played ignorance about the length of the movie but he told me it was two and an half hours long....soooooo if it starts at 5:30 that would mean it would end at 8:00. To write this has been the first time all day that I really sat down for any length of time without something to do. And now it's time to get ready for the upcoming week.
I don't mean to sound petty, but I'm tired. I'm tired not having one single thing to call my own....even Mother's Day turns into what my husband wants to do. For once I just want it to be all about me, but I don't think he even knows how to make it really all about me. I guess for Father's Day we'll go see another movie...I think the new Ninja Turtle movie will be out by then. I might even get him a card.
